210.218.2075
egarland@soulnourishing.com

Big Sister Talk

Big Sister Talk is a monthly Meet Up progressive group that is a sisterhood & siblinghood. It is available for the straight & LBGT-friendly, male & female community with Goddess energies. We want to offer support to one another & provide a safe place to discuss women’s issues. We will meet monthly at the location below. Please be respectful of one another’s views. The topics will change each month and we’ll discuss how to support what individuals are going through in the moment. Love donations gratefully accepted. None turned away.

Join us on these dates: Saturday’s 10am – 11am Jan. 3rd, Feb. 7th, Mar. 7th, April 4th, May 1st,

Looking forward to seeing you at our coffee klatch spot at La Madeline, in Northwoods Shopping Plaza, at S. Hwy. 281 N. & Loop 1604.

La Madeline is located at 18030 U.S. Hwy. 281 N., Suite 201,  San Antonio, TX

We have also have Big Sister Talk on FB. Please join us! https://www.facebook.com/BigSisterTalk

In love and light,

Betsey xo

Elizabeth Garland, M.S., MNLP, CPLC, CGRS

Big Sister Talk Meet Up Facilitator

Soul Nourishing Founder & Personal Development Coach

www.soulnourishing.com

210.218.2075

Copyright 2015 Soul Nourishing, LLC

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A Safe Place

I began writing this as I sat outside under the stars last night, by a bonfire in my backyard. It was a clear night and the constellation Orion was almost over my neighbor’s rooftop. One minute, my dog Jazz was digging a hole and busy burying an unknown treasure, and then he was next to me being reassured that he was safe from the smoke from the fire pit. I don’t want him to be afraid of the fire pit yet not get too comfortable with the smoke either. He is, after all, my guard dog. My significant other, Bob, was busy checking the coals on the new grill to see if they were hot enough yet, and he had just brought me a glass of red wine. An Australian Shiraz. He gave me a kiss. What a lovely moment. It makes me smile to replay it.

Today is New Year’s Day, 2012. I was outside by the firepit last night because I was burning yet another box of paperwork from the environmental office I once worked at. This group of paper was from when I first moved to Texas and transferred departments. There was a mixture of performance reviews (mine and my staff at the time), expense reports, and some project notes.  I am not sure why any of this was kept for about nine years, but I apparently had this stuff in different file cabinets when I worked in their office, and then quickly packed everything up when when I relocated to my home office. I have been in transition since 2009, moving from the full-time corporate world, to part-time, to owning my own practice. The last two years I have periodically been sorting through all of those boxes to see what the heck is actually in there. Most are unpacked and filed away, shredded, or burned by now. I have just a couple left and I am setting a deadline for myself as to when I need to review them all and get rid of them. However, it was kind of neat to re-read the 2002 review and appreciate their comments as well as my growth. That was a key year in which I had begun to make some big changes, personally, and professionally.  So why did I burn them? I already was enjoying a nice fire and it was extremely cathartic to purposefully add each paper to the flames and watch it go away. I was letting it go.

Today, while I was watching my dog play in the daylight, he continued to poke around that hole in the backyard. Apparently, he had decided to save his blanket for another day and so had begun burying it. Interesting. Was this his “security blanket”? Why was he saving it? Was he concerned that I might not provide him with a warm blanket for the future? Did it smell good? He sometimes does this with bones too, but that made sense – he did not want any other animal to have it! He has hidden the bones by burying them. Darling Bob is busy today with a project of his own, ensuring my house is much safer. He’s given many presentations before on Citizens Against Crime.  After we discussed the details of his suggestions for my house, I was in full agreement. I realized this was one of the ways he was expressing his love for me, helping to make me safer and protecting me from potential harm.

All of this has made me reflect on how do I define “security” and “safety”? What is my “safe place”? It is amazing to see the difference between what I define as physical and emotional safe places; they differ. I have been honest with myself over the years about what I need to do to keep myself safe, and to do this I speak up for myself and I establish clear boundaries and expectations. To provide security for myself – well, that is something different. I, like you, have been taught to focus on financial security and job security, which can lead us to prioritize our careers and investments. There is absolutuely nothing wrong with this and an independent, self-reliant individual will do this. But what if this all goes away? Has anyone taught us to create and maintain our emotional security? It seems to me, that once we have this figured out, the emotional safe place gets taken along with you, no matter where go, and almost nothing can rob you of it.

So, how do I develop my emotional security? How can I maintain it? How can I make it so strong that I never leave that safe place?  The answer, my friend, is not blowing in the wind….

One answer, is Love.  Love yourself. Love your friends. Love that guy in the blue truck that cuts you off in traffic. This works for me. I became stronger the day I realized that I loved myself for who I am and what I have done, despite my imperfections and because of my quirks. Once I learned to accept and respect myself as I am, it became that much easier to do this for others and not try to change them to fit my needs. Set yourself up with an abundance of love: start by loving yourself first.

Two – I became very honest with myself about my beliefs. I asked myself, “Where did they come from and are they serving me to my highest good?”, and, if not, I let them go. If yes, I embraced them and created a stronger core. I did not need to explain this to anyone else, and neither do you. So, know what you believe in, why you do, and then believe in it.

Three – I value communication. Not talking for the sake of hearing myself go on and on for ever … but truly communicating what I am feeling and wanting. If I cannot understand and express this to myself, how can anyone else hear the message? I have focused on delivering a better message in a concise yet amiable manner, and you can do this too!

Four – I have improved my listening skills, so that I can hear what you have expressed to me.  Many folks think they are listening but they are actually focusing on what they will say next, or what I thought you said or meant, or what they will have for lunch, etc.  Multi-tasking does not always allow us the ability to truly listen completely, and so for someone (and myself) to be fully engaged in what is happening at that moment, I limit distractions and paraphrase back what I heard.

Five – I continue to make better choices.  Now, this is a broad statement, so I’ll narrow it down to just the “emotional” realm. Previously, I have made some choices that put my heart at risk. What I have learned from these life lessons is that I am valuable and if the other person is not treating me with love or respect, then it is time for them to go, sooner than later. If they must stay for some reason, then we need to define personal boundaries as they are not allowed to hurt me. I have also realized that falling in love with someone’s potential may be noble, but it does not create happiness. You either love and accept them the way they are TODAY or not at all. If they (or you) must change for it to work out, then all parties included should review why they are there. In standing up for myself, my beliefs, and knowing what I deserve, an amazing love has come into my life.

My wish for you this new year is that you find your safe place, wherever that may be.

In Love and Light,

Betsey xo

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Maps
19315 FM2252, Suite 302 Garden Ridge, Texas 78266
Phone Number : 210.218.2075