What is Love?
You know you want to sing it … go ahead . “Oh Baby don’t hurt me … No more!! Whoa whoa oh oh” …. Feel better?
Are you lucky in Love? What does that mean exactly? You have many lovers? You have had many spouses? Or you have many admirers? You have special skills that you don’t want to list on your resume? If you keep going through people – is that lucky? I guess it is from a matter of perspective – what was the intent? No judgments. If it was never meant to last and only be for that joyful moment, then some would say they lucked out. However, if the expectation was different from what happened, then I can see how some may feel unlucky. Try looking at it differently or visit a different casino where the game is better. I am not being glib – it’s just a fact. If it did not work out, two things can change, your attitude and your environment (location or group of friends).
I love Love. I love the feeling of being in love. I love the romantic movies. I love how inspired I am and the poetry and art that flows out of me in joy, and then again, in heartbreak, because that too is a part of love. You cannot have one without the other. It is a risk. You are not living unless you take a chance at love and life. It doesn’t have to be risky, I am not suggesting that. But if there is something in your life and you are holding back, taking the risk is better than watching the opportunity walk away. We would not have wonderful books, music and works of art without it. Debates go on – what inspires man? Many feel it is the love of a woman. Is it that or is it the desire to couple with her and procreate? Or is it the desire to better himself, for himself or to win her love or her interest so he can couple with her? Interesting concept. What about Her point of view? Anyone asking her how She feels about this? Hello?!
I moved around a lot as a child. We were two divorced families merging as one and trying to make a new start before the next divorce. It gave me an interesting perspective on love, life, marriage and the pursuit of happiness. Did this impact my opinion of men and my ability to love? It sure did. I spent many an afternoon waiting by the front door for Dad to come for his visit until Mom would pick up my sleeping body off my suitcase and put me to bed because he did not show up again. I have had 3 stepfathers. I am in touch with the last one and love him very much. I consider Fred as Dad now. Moving around as a kid also allows you to make a lot of friends fast. Some places I was only there for a year, no attachments. I do remember snippets of events, like when I was 10 in Pennsylvania and my first “boyfriend” Huey gave me a kiss and a twisted gold bracelet he had saved his allowance money to purchase for me. I still have the bracelet! In Florida at high school there was this tradition of white, pink and red carnations to be delivered to your home class anonymously on Valentine’s Day. Since I was a new kid and never had a boyfriend, I had no expectations. The girl with the basket walked up and placed a pink carnation on my desk. My heart was a lump in my throat. The white label on it said “be mine valentine”. I giggled. Then she put another pink down. This one said “you’re sweet”. I blushed. And then she pulled out the coveted red carnation and placed it in front of me. I almost fainted on the spot. “I love you” said the little piece of paper.
As she walked away I stared at my three flowers, 2 pink, 1 red. Who were they from? I will never know unless somebody got their courage up at some point and would approach me on campus. I wanted to know, but at the same time, it really did not matter. I felt incredible knowing that I was loved. It took a little piece of paper on a carnation to brighten my day back then but it worked because I was not feeling it elsewhere. I don’t need that now. I keep that message in my heart and I am passing it onto you. Realize that YOU are special and that you are Loved. Loved each and every day for being you. You are special and unique. You have a purpose. You deserve love and respect. There is no Other quite as precious as You.
So, to summarize all these wonderful examples of love … play a new hand if you feel unlucky or your chips are down; keep your emotional baggage light; if at first you don’t succeed, try try again; never miss an opportunity to make someone else smile or say I love you as that may really brighten their day! But always remember You are worth it.
I love you! Betsey xo
p.s. – This was original posted on 2/14/11 but since then I have reconnected with my birth Dad, whom I talk with every now and then and we share great belly laughs. We had a face-to-face meeting in December 2014 after 12 year hiatus. Healing this wound of 40+ years has not only brought me immense joy, but also helped other members of my immediate and extended family to begin to heal as well. Just thought you might like to know an update on this story. Time does heal if you choose to do something positive your time. xoxox
Elizabeth Garland, M.S., CPLC, MNLP, CGRS
Founder & Personal Development Coach with Soul Nourishing, LLC
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