I have it. For years I wished I didn’t, but I do. It’s been with me for 30 years now. I have Complex PTSD. I got it due to child abuse, domestic violence, & sexual assault throughout my lifetime. Depression & anxiety developed after not taking care of myself properly for 15 years. I was self-medicating with drugs & alcohol, acting out, having failed relationships, & becoming a workaholic. Once I got treatment to get out of crisis, I learned coping skills, better boundaries, & how to communicate with others. I was never in a hospital. I was not violent. I was just sad, unmotivated, unable to concentrate.
Recovery did not happen overnight. I had to work hard to learn how to manage my recovery, to not numb out, to create a healthy lifestyle. Yet I was still filled with shame, shame from my past. And I still had so much grief from past & current loss at that time in my life. And so I would not talk about it much, only in little bits or privately if I felt safe. If I had a bad day (or more!), some people would judge me based on that snippet & act like that was who I was. These were not people who knew, loved & accepted me, but people who did not understand nor cared to. As I became more self-aware & advocated for my own wellness, I began making much better choices in my health, my stress management, my relationships, my time, my finances. I soon realized it was a unique blend of both allopathic & holistic health that was helping me along my journey to joy; one was not successful without the other.
As I continued along my spiritual, emotional & physical healing journey, I began to talk about what happened. All of it. And I allowed myself to be vulnerable & ask for help. As I got better people were making me feel bad about my story, telling me to be quiet, or criticizing me for not being perfect. It was like nailing boards over the bathroom door when the plumbing needs to be fixed; don’t go in there! But that was about them, not me. One day the pipes burst & there I was surrounded by water, no way to hide my shame. But here’s the weird thing, I finally accepted it. It was time to call a plumber. And then I was OK with it. I am perfectly imperfect. I love myself.
I now consider myself as having PTG, Post-Traumatic Growth. And I am stronger for it. I am so grateful for those I have met who have shown compassion & uncritical acceptance. In return, I have done the same for them. I have been coaching for 4 years, helping others to find their journey to joy. I have also been sowing seeds for the future & it is time to begin helping our dreams bloom. We are moving forward in our startup of a holistic wellness center for trauma aftercare! Please help us help others.
Thank you in advance! http://www.gofundme.com/soulnourishing
In love and light, Betsey Elizabeth Garland, M.S., CPLC, MNLP, CGRS, ICF Member
Founder and Personal Development Coach with Soul Nourishing, LLC
Copyright 2015 Soul Nourishing