210.218.2075
egarland@soulnourishing.com

Moving Towards or Moving Away From?

What motivates you more, moving towards or moving away from something? When I have asked this random question to multiple people, it is about 50/50. Half get great feedback from a period of reflection, looking back of the moments of challenge and/or triumph, and discovering how to improve their performance. They also determine what they do not want in their lives and what they want to move away from…. quickly! The other half seem to enjoy planning their futures, spending very little time looking back, but setting clear milestones and measureable goals. They hit the ground running with forward motion! Both styles work for the different personalities! Neither is a waste of time. The things we may learn from being open to allowing one another to be who they are and going through the world in that way. We can learn much from each other. Some folks benefit from blending both styles, identifying what did or did not work and where they want to go next. Clarity is so helpful! Can you imagine if we kept walking down the same path, blinders on, for 2 or 20 years, only to discover it brought us to the wrong destination? Looking up and around every so often gives us a chance to ensure not only “are we are on the correct road?”, but to ask the important question, “do we want to be doing this at all?”!!! Imagine that!

So which are you, oh Soul Explorer? A Reflector? Or an Accelerator?  Or a little of both?!

Join me for our Goals with Soul group workshop on Tuesday, January 7th, from 9-11:30am.  Cost is $29. What a great way to start the New Year & align your values with your intentions! Please RSVP to ensure your spot for the group goal setting discussion. Please contact me for more details at egarland@soulnourishing.com or 210.218.2075.

A group setting not for you and you prefer one-on-one attention? Please consider booking an initial 90-minute private coaching session. You will walk away with valuable insight, tools and personal goals. Please visit http://soulnourishing.com/ and contact me for more details at egarland@soulnourishing.com or 210.218.2075.

The new Soul Nourishing office is located at:

19315 Nacogdoches Road (FM 2252), Suite 302

San Antonio, TX 78266

(This is located north of Bat Cave Road & south of 3009, just over the line entering Garden Ridge area. We are located in the Ashley Oaks Executive Park office suites, building three.).

 

In love, light and gratitude,

Betsey

Elizabeth Garland, M.S., CPLC, MNLP, CGRS

Founder & Personal Development Coach of Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

egarland@soulnourishing.com

210.218.2075

Copyright  Soul Nourishing 2011-2014

 

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Managing Stress Over the Holidays

Managing Stress Over the Holidays …

brought to you by Elizabeth Garland with Soul Nourishing

 

Get a handle on the stress! How to stop flipping your lid & start enjoying the seasons.

1. Have a plan made ahead of time of activities, travel options, food choices & gift ideas.

2. Set a budget. Multiply that times two. This is a reality check. Can you afford that? If not, scale it back.

3. Get creative! Remove the stress of shopping & create homemade gifts, make coupons for simple acts of kindness &/or wrap a beautiful silk box full of mindful intentions.

4. Save money on dining out so often & organize a potluck meal at your home, or a progressive dinner between 4 or 5 houses!

5. Be flexible – not everything is going to happen according to the plan.

6. Practice saying “no” so you can say “yes” to what truly matters.

7. Schedule your personal time now. Seriously, book that massage.

8. Have good times! Meaningful as well as silly, playful fun!

9. Stay hydrated by drinking water throughout the day!

10. Find ways to celebrate with friends, family & others in the community that are meaningful to you.

 

In love, light & gratitude,

Elizabeth Garland, M.S., CPLC, MNLP, GRS

Founder & Personal Development Coach of Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

egarland@soulnourishing.com

210.218.2075

Copyright  Soul Nourishing 2011-2013

 

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The Good Deed

How many times have you helped another person by giving advice or doing a good deed, only to have it blow up in your face? Be honest. Most people will admit this happens quite frequently, at least weekly if not daily, and typically with certain individuals. They cannot understand why these people do not appreciate their kindness and helpfulness. One simple question comes to mind “Did they ask for the help?”

In my experience, most people appreciate help they have asked for; just not the stuff they did not ask for. I thought about this as I was interacting with several different friends and situations over the last month recently. I noticed I had to use multiple points of perspective to stay informed, & I became more aware of our behavior based on the immediate feedback I was given.

It really is that simple, yet when you point it out to someone who does not see it two things will happen: they either agree or they disagree. If they agree, they “get it”. If they disagree, they typically are the advice-giver who now is not liking the fact that you or I have “made” them feel bad. Actually, we have not made them do anything except become aware of their actions. They are putting their own emotions on it. They might say, “Beggars can’t be choosers”, “It’s my way or the Highway” or “I am always right”. I grew up around people with these attitudes and they can be quite controlling. It generally was something to the effect that implied I lost all rights to choice the moment I asked for help.

They were wrong. As an adult, I now recognize there is must be a happy medium. I must have my own set of beliefs, expectations and boundaries, especially since I am going to run into people who don’t get it all the time. I am learning how to be compassionate in how I interact with myself and with others. I am stopping the fight, the incessant need to win, to be heard, to shout louder or longer, or to walk away and shut them out of my heart forever. These manipulative games are just that, games. They deny what is truly going inside me, while blaming someone else. I am simply communicating better and realizing how to become more compassionate. Wow. What an achievement!

This learning process called Life never stops. It is truly beautiful how a burden one day can be lifted, and with a change in perspective, viewed as a lesson the next.

In love and light, Betsey

Elizabeth Garland, M.S., NLPP, GRS

CEO & Founder of Soul Nourishing, LLC

Copyright 2013

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Conflict is a normal part of Life

Conflict is a normal part of Life. Deal with it. How you deal with it is the Key to your Inner Harmony and Interpersonal relationships. (This is a great place to jot down some ideas on how you deal with conflict. Ex – Talk about it – with the person involved, if possible. What else?). Different points of view are not only OK, but necessary for growth. However, battles and antagonism need to be resolved. Those are not OK and not necessary. Avoid conflict, ignore the real issues, and you end up losing! Confront the issue and resolve it when possible. Be strong, not weak, and stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

Three things you must understand to manage conflict effectively:  A conflict exists when needs are unmet. The person whose needs are unmet owns the problem. The owner of the problem must initiate its resolution.

How can this be resolved? If you aren’t getting what you need or want, you may want to consider changing one or both: How you are asking for what you want, and how you are responding to what you get. Do you have ideas on how to do this effectively? Perhaps you realized that what you have been doing is not working, if so – try the opposite. Another approach may be to imagine being this other person and seeing the situation from their point of view – what would they want from the situation? Is it possible to offer that to them at this point? If this is your problem, you must solve it. It does not matter if it is Inner or Inter Personal. Awareness of this ownership will lead to action – or not. There is always a choice.

In love and light,

Elizabeth Garland, CEO & Soul Coach with Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

Copyright 2012 Soul Nourishing

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Do you have the mindset of an Olympian?

Are you able to accept the challenges in Life as opportunity, as growing pains and life lessons? Say Yes to this and beat your last performance, not someone else. Can you raise your standards up, jump over those hurdles and meet them yourself, and not just expect others to do so? Do you want to stop being a victim in life, blaming others for all that happens to you, even your moods? If so, grab an oar and take this power back, become aware of where you are emotionally and physically, and accept the responsibility and begin paddling your own boat. Do you understand that hope provides grace and clarity to move into the future with renewed insight and positivity? If so, set your sights and hit your target! You ARE a winner in life. All you need to do next is hold your torch up high and go collect your medals 🙂

In love and light,  Betsey

 

Elizabeth Garland, CEO & Soul Coach

Copyright 2012 Soul Nourishing

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Balance Through An Unsteady World

Soul Explorers, if you have had a recent couple months like I have had, and you may have, then you have been quite busy. The seasons are changing so there is yardwork. Schools have closed for the summer and so everyone had graduations to attend. There are parties and BBQs to go to, and family trips to make. Schedules get tight, and you might work late. Or perhaps your work disappears because your clients decided they wanted a vacation. Allergies flare up and then you manage your energy and health. You focus on your diet and exercise routine. You focus on your comittments. You focus on your budget. Are you focusing on happiness?

It’s my theory that to truly find BALANCE, which is a state of equilibrium, we need to ignore physics for a bit here. First – Try not to make everything equal. Accept that it is not going to be. Enter big sigh <here> Onward!

Second – Make your personalized list of what is important for you to focus on at this present time. Example list – Exercise/Diet, Work, Family, Friends, Me, Sleep, Spiritual, House/Yard, 2nd Job, Extra Stuff.

Third – Manage your time accordingly. Is it 1 hour a day on A, 8 hours on B, 4 hours on C, 2 hours on D, 1 hour on E  and what else???? Or on what days since the schedule may vary! Maybe on M-W-F it is 2 hours of A and one less hour somewhere else. (Reminder. Your total should equal 24. We do not indulge in 40 hour days on this one.)

Fourth – Go back to #2 and always plan time for yourself to relax in that schedule! (under the Me or Extra Stuff)

Fifth – Identify meaningful things to do. Video games are fun, but is there something else more meaningful you can do alone or with others during your downtime? It will make you feel really good!

Balancing your lifestyle can start with some simple organization tasks and then paying attention to how you are feeling and responding to everyday stressors. There will be some days you need more of one thing and less of another. Overall the goal is for your state of happiness to be achieved by the choices you make.

In love and light,

Betsey xo

 

Elizabeth Garland, CEO & Soul Coach

Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

 

Copyright 2012 Soul Nourishing

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Find that good mood!

Here is an NLP tip for today!When you are not feeling your best, sick, in pain, grumpy, etc., try to recall this simple visualization technique.Take a moment and remember what it was like to feel your best, to be happy, vibrant and full of energy. Close your eyes and let the good feeling wash over you. Let this magnify and saturate you with joy.
Carry on! 🙂

In love and light,

Betsey

 

Elizabeth Garland, Soul Coach

Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

210.218.2075

Copyright  Elizabeth Garland 2012

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Jump Into Your Life

Are you doing everything that you want, right at this moment? Is there something you want on your wish list or bucket list that is calling you?  Are you living with purpose, inspiring others, being accountable and responsible, giving and receiving from the heart, valuing yourself and others for all the gifts of time and service? It is never too late to start!

What is holding you back from getting these things that you want? Money?  Low self-esteem? Psycho-babble and negative chatter inside your head?  Is it Fear? Self preservation is a good thing–it keeps us from getting eaten by mountain lions, diving into a shallow lagoon with rocks. When is fear not good and when does it not allow us to go forward in a positive direction for growth? What about the fear of failure because you “might get hurt,” especially if muscle memory kicks in and the word “again” is added? So, how do you get real with yourself about this? First, admit it. You are holding onto this and it serves you in some way. Why do you do this?  What is holding you back from getting the things that you want? Second, what will it take to let go of this fear? Are you ready for something different? Maybe this has become a habitual excuse as to why there has not been any change in a situation in your life. Whether you realize it or not, these are the types of fears that are holding you back from your real life. What do you need to let go of this fear?

Who do you Trust? Is it your friends, your loved ones or, possibly, your Self? How do you build this Trust? Is it simply blind faith, a “knowing” what to believe in? There is a place in each and every one of us where we go when we have KNOWING and we find security in that. Have you tried getting comfortable with NOT KNOWING? It is this place of calm in that awareness that something new and different is happening, yet all possibilities are available.

At this very moment, I bet you can recall with incredible detail some of the following:  a motor vehicle accident, a cliff jump, a high dive jump, a parachute jump, a downhill ski experience, a roller coaster ride, or an exhilarating motorcycle ride along the coast. Maybe it was a virtual plunge into a new love relationship or starting a new business venture. You get the point. An adrenaline rush enhances the experience! Time seems to slow down, (or maybe you are moving very fast through it?!?!), and you have numerous experiences in a matter of seconds, with incredible insight and discoveries into your Self and your Surroundings.  You were swept away by the sheer force of it and became a different person afterwards.

To access Not Knowing at any time allows you to avoid panic, to continue to explore all options and to realize that you do have solutions. Keep your breathing deep, slow, and steady so you may lower anxiety and stay focused. Practice this exercise when you are not under extreme pressure to give you a chance to explore all your options and to have strategies available!

My challenge to you is to overcome your fear and leap through your emotional landscape. Or, if you want an easy way to do this, please join me on the next sky dive jump on April 7th when we go tandem jumping in San Marcos. If you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind to! So whether your fear is petting a strange dog, starting a new business, following your heart’s desire, going underwater, or jumping out of an airplane, please know that you can conquer the fear.

Your life is waiting for you. Jump into it now! Just say “yes!”

In love and light, Betsey

 

Elizabeth Garland, Soul Coach                                                                                                               

Soul Nourishing, LLC

www.soulnourishing.com

210.218.2075

Copyright  Elizabeth Garland 2012

 

“Only when we are no longer AFRAID do we begin to LIVE.”
Dorothy Thompson, First Lady of American Journalism (1864-1961).

 

 

 

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Making Your Goals Real!

The beginning of each New Year is a chance for us to make a fresh start in renewing ourselves, our passions, and our dreams. We can embrace life anew as we await for that breath of Spring and it’s ever growing life force to swell in us and nourish the seeds we’ve planted, to bring forth a budding and fruitful tree.  But it’s been a couple months and do you feel like you’ve already let yourself down on your New Year’s Resolutions? Are you not sticking to them like you thought you would? Not to worry dear friend, let’s examine what really is a New Year Resolution and why are you giving yourself such a hard time meeting it?

New Year Resolutions are usually statements about ourselves in how we want to improve or actions we no longer want to continue, in the hopes of improving. We may make them due to mounting peer pressure, under the influence of alcohol or bravado, we may have a list of 20 or more, and then we wonder why we never get passed the top three and begin to feel worse.

First – find compassion for yourself and just sit with that for a moment. You are an amazing self-aware person who has identified something you want to improve upon, and that awareness alone is good enough. Change is a gradual process and allowing yourself the grace of doing so over time will also allow yourself to find your natural pace. By learning how to be gentle with ourselves, we remember to be so with others.

Second – only set a few goals, say less than 5. You may want to have some personal and professional ones, and that is wonderful. But try to limit the number to 5 or less per each of the 2 categories. Your brain and energy can only focus on so much every day/week/month, and if you jump into a huge list, it tends to become overwhelming to many folks. However, when we start with smaller, more manageable lists, and even items that may help us gain skills to get to the next item, these baby steps become crucial to our personal and professional development plan and we begin to prioritize them. Make one or two columns on a piece of paper, and write down these goals.

Third – So, how will you know when you get there? Silly question, you may ask?  I think not. I ask this of every client that comes to me with a complaint of not knowing how to move forward.  And every single one of them has not yet thought about where they want to go, and what it will be like when they get there. They just know they don’t like right now. So let’s pretend for a moment you just achieved Goal #1 on your list. What does that feel like to you? Who is with you when you accomplish this? What sounds do you hear? What else do you see, feel, hear? Do you even like this new place and feeling? Is this a good goal for you? What else do you want? Is there a picture or symbol you can identify this sense of achievement with? Find that and place it on a pegboard or wall that you see every day, and write next to it the name that you want to call this “goal”, whatever it may be for yourself, and the date that is your deadline.

Fourth – Make it Real! By trying on this sensory technique for your remaining goals on the list, you will begin to realize what is or is not a good goal, and how it fits within your life. Once you have created a visual board to look at daily, this will create a powerful re-enforcement of the emotional reasons that motivate you. When you see the pictures and symbols you selected, you will remember how good it felt to be there already.

You are powerful, all-knowing and very capable. You can achieve everything you set your mind to!

In Love and Light,

Elizabeth Garland (Betsey)

Soul Coach

www.soulnourishing.com

 

Copyright 2012 by Elizabeth Garland

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Dealing with Grief During the Holidays

While there are other critical dates and times that affect grieving people, the holiday season is the biggest stimulus to provoke memories and feelings about important people in our lives who have died or who are no longer present at our holiday celebrations and rituals because of divorce or other estrangements.

The principles and actions of The Grief Recovery Method are dedicated to helping people discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished by a death, divorce, or other loss. In the interest of helping both grieving people and the friends and family near them, we present a set of holiday tips that give some basic, practical, and emotionally helpful guidance.

Here are ten tips. The first five relate primarily to the death of someone important to you. That person might have been a loved one or may have been what we call a less than loved one, but you will probably still be affected by their absence. The second set of five tips relates either to the death of a spouse or to divorce. We are not comparing those experiences, but we are suggesting that the tips can be helpful in either situation.

The Death of Someone Important to You:

Don’t Isolate Yourself.  It’s normal and natural to feel lost and alone―but Don’t Isolate―even if you have to force yourself to be with people and participate in normal activities.
Don’t misuse food or alcohol to cover up or push down your feelings. As children, when we were sad about something, we were often told, “Don’t feel bad. Here have a cookie, you’ll feel better.” The cookie doesn’t make the child feel better, it makes the child feel different and the real cause of the sadness is not addressed. When we get older, alcohol and drugs are used for the same wrong reasons―to mask feelings of sadness.

Talk about your feelings, but don’t expect a quick fix. It’s essential to have someone you trust to talk to about your memories and the feelings they evoke. Ask your friend to just listen to you and not try to fix you. You’re sad, not broken, you just need to be heard.

While it’s important to talk about your feelings, don’t dwell on them. Telling the same sad story over and over is not helpful―in fact, it can establish and cement a relationship to your pain. Better to just make a simple statement of how you feel in the moment. For example, say, “I just had a sad feeling of missing him.”

Time doesn’t heal—actions do. The myth that time heals a broken heart is just that, a myth. Time can’t heal a broken heart any more than air can jump into a flat tire. Time just goes by. It’s the actions you take within time that can help you feel better.
Death of a Spouse or Divorce:

Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you’re ready to start dating. Don’t start dating while your heart is still broken or you will guarantee that the next relationship will fail. Being ready to date is a function of the actions you take within time to repair your heart. This is valid whether you’re dealing with a death or divorce.

Don’t get too busy—avoid hyperactivity. Be careful not to get too busy. Being super active just distracts you, it doesn’t really help you deal with your broken heart.

Maintain your normal routines. Adapting to the changes in your life following a death or a divorce is an enormous adjustment. You are learning how to move from being with someone to being alone. It’s never a good idea to add a host of other changes while you’re trying to adapt to so much disruption in your life.

Go through the pain, not under, over, or around it. It’s very tempting to try to avoid the pain associated with a broken heart. But it’s also a very bad idea. Whenever you skirt the pain, all you’re doing is pushing it away temporarily. It will always come back to haunt you.

Find effective guidance or you will sabotage your future. While the grief of a broken heart is the normal reaction to the death of your mate or to the end of a romantic relationship, it’s very helpful to find effective tools to help you discover and complete everything that was left emotionally unfinished. Otherwise, you will drag your emotional baggage into the next relationship and ruin it before it really starts.

For most people, the first holiday season after a death or a divorce is the most painful. But that’s not true for everyone. For many, the second, third, and subsequent years are very painful. Since time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, people often report feeling worse as years go by. No matter when your loss occurred, it’s most important that you become aware that recovery is possible and to learn which actions will help you.

If you’re dealing with a death, go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. The principles and actions of The Grief Recovery Method have been used by more than a half million people to help deal with the impact of the death of someone important to them.

If you’re dealing with the aftermath of a divorce or romantic breakup, go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of Moving On. The principles and actions in it will help you deal with your broken heart.

If your children are struggling with a loss of any type and any level of emotional intensity, go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of When Children Grieve.

The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman [HarperCollins]

When Children Grieve by John W. James and Russell Friedman, with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews [HarperCollins]

Moving On by John W. James and Russell Friedman [M.Evans]

This article was written by Russell Friedman,  one of the founders of the The Grief Recovery Institute. For more great information please visit www.griefrecoverymethod.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elizabeth (Betsey) Garland is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, trained in the Grief Recovery Method. She facilitates group classes and private sessions on Grief Recovery, and When Children Grieve, in the South Central Texas area and can help you move on. The choice is up to you to sign up and participate in your recovery. She may be reached at egarland@soulnourishing.com 210.218.2075

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A Few Business Tips

After working 16 years in consulting and also owning a home-based business for 6 years, I have had clients and coworkers ask for some business tips. Here are just a few of my thoughts on business to share:

Pushy is not the same as persistent. Polite follow-up is great. Recognize and respect a yes, maybe, a slow no and a real no. Ask what holds them back instead of trying to convince them. Find out what motivates your client! Staying present in another’s mind positively is the goal.

Be sincere in all you do and say. If you spend time with someone as a friend, do not turn it into a sales call. Invite them to your sales pitch separately so they expect it. Recognize who are your friends, family, acquaintances, business associates, etc.
You will have your own boundaries here as to what works and what does not.

Email Spam from strangers and businesses is not cool. Follow-up email notes, calls and Social Media connections can result from business cards collected at meetings and mixers. Build relationships and get to know the person, decide if you like and/or trust them. More referral-based business comes from this!

Many Blessings to all of you in all that you do!

May you be abundant and prosperous!
-Love,
Betsey

Copyright 2011 Soul Nourishing

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Self-care Tips

Are you properly nourishing yourself? When we get stressed out, whether from job or family pressures, finances or grief/loss, the first thing to go is our own self-care. So to help get back into balance this is where we begin first!

The real question is are you doing what makes you happy? Have you allowed yourself the opportunity to know what that is? You have permission to think about it at this time.

Create 4 categories: Heart, Mind, Body & Soul:

What makes your heart go pitter-pat when you think, “Wow, I wish I could do that …”? Is it a compassionate or romantic gesture for you or another? A long-awaited purchase or special meal? An indulgent luxury? Write down as many as you can think of in the next 5 minutes.

Now, what stimulates your mind? What challenges you to think outside the box? What do you read and get lost in? Write down as many as you can think of in the next 5 minutes.

Next, what feels good to your body? Is it a walk, exercise, sex, dance, water, lotion, material you wear? Write down as many as you can think of in the next 5 minutes.

What inspires your inner spirit and provides you strength? Guides you when you need it? Write down as many as you can think of in the next 5 minutes.

Now, how many of these items you wrote down are you actually doing on a daily basis? What did you say –  you don’t have time? Then let’s make a deal. See if you can pick 6 items and this next week allow yourself 10 minutes each day to do each of those 6, no more. Then work up to one hour a day. See how you feel after 5 days of nourishing yourself properly. Stress will manage itself. It is possible to give yourself one hour a day to feel love for yourself. You deserve this.

In Love and Light,

Betsey

Copyright 2011-2015 Soul Nourishing

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Independence vs Interdependence

Timing is everything it seems. At least in love, careers, politics.

This past weekend as millions of Citizens of the USA were celebrating July Fourth weekend, a time to celebrate our Independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain (back in 1776), I was busy helping my sister move into her first apartment along with a group of wonderful friends who helped. It has been a big journey to this point, full of all types of emotions and exclamations of freedom and independence. However, as the dust and fur settled, and I began to set up my home office once more (as I had before she had moved in) I began to reflect on what really works in a relationship. I thought about relationships I have with other people, near and far, past and present, and saw the pros and cons. I went to a dinner with friends and we happened to have a discussion very close to to this topic – how are all of us connected? Do we need each other more than we realize?

To reflect on my 48 hours, I spent quality time with friends helping my sister move – we pitched in and helped one another. I attended a potluck another night, where everyone contributed to the wonderful meal. Then I spent treasured moments with a special friend who brought me the most delicious smoked salmon from Oregon so I could have a wonderful breakfast. Then my sister called me to help her out with her dog, and I stopped by her new place and assisted.

Tonight I looked up the Webster defintion of independence – and it is varied and lengthy. It can imply being free, not relying on anyone else, not being controlled by anyone else, having one’s own wealth, having a sense of liberal values and being a free-thinker. The definition of interdependence was to be mutually benefitting or mutually dependent. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People have mentioned this concept and described as by working together we can accomplish far better results. I can still be self-reliant, worthy and capable, yet by being physically, emotionally and intellectually interdependent, I (and you) will accomplish much more than operating alone. There will be better ideas, multiple actions, appreciation for new energies, and yet we can remain separate and respect that as well. There is no need to lose oneself.

Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Happy Interdependence Day!

Love, Betsey

Copyright 2011 Soul Nourishing

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Im ENTJ – wat R U?

“WTF is that? ” was the reply I got when I shared this on Facebook. I had assumed if someone did not know they would look it up. That’s what I do. That’s how I found out what an “ex-parrot” was last evening. But that is another story.  This one is about Jung. I love science, analysis, research …. and debate! Always have! So  when there is a test out there that says “I can crawl into the inner spaces of your mind and define you” I am ready to test it.

I took one of these “Personality” tests over a year ago on Facebook. Then I took one of these MBTI tests just over a month ago. Within the one year time I am still getting the same result description – perhaps some varying on percentages – but I cannot bust it –  I am ENTJ.  This means I am Extroverted-Intuitive-Thinker-Judging.  This is the bottom right corner of the 16 piece square. There are about 2% ENTJ’s in the population (cool trivia that may help you win on Jeopardy!)  Aaahhh … Mama always said I was special.

So, this means …….  I like to talk to and interact with lots and lots of different people. I love sharing in a group and getting feedback. I get energized motivating others and making things happen- this is my purpose!!  I am really good at spotting trends thus my intuition is dead-on and so I tend to respond to that (yes that is where my attitude “damn the torpedoes!!” kicks in).  And yes, the impression of the event is more important to me than the exact details, which is why I place so much juicy richness into anything I create. I do think things through logically and weigh the pros/cons, and make impersonal decisions on facts not emotions (this really bugs the crap out of my family). And yes, I am very organized in my thinking however I prefer to live a more flexible lifestyle & not be so structured (I don’t want to perish from perfection paralysis).   *whew*!  I cannot disagree.  Spooky!

Check it out for yourself and then let us know what YOU are!!  http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

How can you begin relating well with others if you don’t know who you are?

Love, Betsey

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Bustin' thru the Myths …

I am busting through the Myths of Grief.  However there might be a parellel to the Greek Tragedy of Misinformation. Let’s check it out. I’ve mentioned in my presentations there are over 40 different types of losses that will produce grief. We all have one or another at some time in our life. Death and divorce are obvious ones. But the not so obvious – death of a pet, moving, starting school, death of a former spouse or coworker, marriage, graduation, the end of an addiction (loss of substance dependency),  major health changes, retirement, positive/negative health changes, empty nest, holidays, etc. etc.. ….. you get the idea.

Other people don’t like to deal with someone else’s bad feelings or emotions, so they usually try to have you supress it to make them feel better. This does not help you heal at all or any faster. When you were upset about your first pet’s death – were you told “Don’t cry”? … that meant “Don’t feel bad”. Or “On Saturday we’ll get you a new dog”…. which meant “We can replace the loss”. At any point growing up were you told “If you are going to cry, go to your room”. That meant “You need to grieve alone”.  Or the best one – “time heals all wounds, which meant “give it time”.

We should not have to grow up with this type of misinformation being implanted into our heads as children/youth or adults and taught not to express our feelings nor the value of a relationship. If we learn it’s OK to replace a pet, did we do the same after our first love? and our first marriage? and so on? Is everything replaceable?  Also, is it so bad to admit we have feelings of grief? We will heal better in a group rather than in isolation, so why be sent to our room? All we do is spend a lifetime learning to run away from someone instead of going towards them. We give someone “space” thinking they want to be alone. This goes on for years. I’ve asked many people if they have pain from a relationship that is over 20 years – and most say yes. Time is not working for them because it is not time well spent.

So – how can we reverse the plot in this tragic play of events? Do the characters really need to suffer in their roles for 20 years or more?  Practicing a bad habit has made it perfect for us – we are pretty good at it by now. You only know what you have learned and what you have prioritized as being right vs wrong. As children we do not have the power to change the actions of parents or adults. As adults – we can take responsibility for our current reaction to what happened in the past, or else we shall forever feel like a victim. Sometimes letting it go is difficult or taking responsibility for some of it. OK – try assuming responsibility for just 1% of that part that is incomplete and hurt. Own that. Sit here right now and get comfortable with that concept.

Becoming aware of the loss situation for what it is and myths/beliefs surrounding it is one thing.  Accepting how you have responded to it is the next step. Are you still suffering? When you are ready to take action to resolve your loss, I invite you to contact me regarding the next local Grief Recovery Outreach Group Program and private sessions that can be held immediately.

Thank you, Betsey   210-218-2075

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Tale of two Catherines

Recently Catherine Zeta-Jones was in the media spot light for admitting herself into a mental hospital for bipolar 2.  While standing in line at the grocery store, I read some pretty alarming headlines about the alcoholics and addicts she was with in there with. This was disturbing to me because this type of misinformation is what perpetuates the stigma of mental illness as something bad. I have a family member who is dealing with this same disorder. She is not an alcoholic, nor an addict and no – she is not a thief and has never been convicted of a felon. However, many people are very quick to inform me of this “fact” as a warning. I understand they have good intent – but what they do not understand is it is insulting to be on the receiving end of such an assumption. Maybe they should try to get to know the individual first and understand the situation that triggered this, rather than lump all people who suffer from it into one category. Yes – individuals with bipolar 2 have a emotional mood disorder. You can feel emotionally mugged by this person out of the blue. They are also prone to depression with some manic episodes. It is true that some people with bipolar 2 get in trouble with the law due to their reckless behavior. Some cannot maintain a job, handle finances well or have successful relationships – but this does not mean everyone is like this. I know some people who have held stable jobs for more than 10 years, raise their families, communicate very well, and lead very happy adjusted lives.  So – why does this exhibit differently in a variety of people? Sometimes an individual develops a mental illness  early in life, and more than one condition may exist. So it is the mixture of symptoms and behavior that doctors need to identify and manage.  And sometimes a stressful event can occur in someone’s life that triggers the house of cards to fall. They may have had hereditary factors in place, but were managing their life well enough until the day came they weren’t and they sought help.  Asking for help is a courageous act and should be applauded. This individual is actively seeking the road to recovery and does not need your negative assumptions about who they are or what they have or have not done. They do not need you to take care of them like they are infants or small children.  They do need your love and understanding. They do need a supportive network of friends to allow them to rebuild their self-esteem and independence.  The family members need love and support too.  Caring for a special needs child/adult can be financially and emotionally draining, and not everyone has the proper information of what resources to use or what they qualify for. Navigating the system can be frustrating but worthwhile.  I have learned so much helping my sister.

To learn more about mental illness, please visit NAMI. And next time you learn that a friend of yours or a coworker has a sibling or spouse with a mental illness, offer to be a friend…. to either of them. Everyone needs someone to talk to.

Love, Betsey

Sisters

Family

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Travel reflections

I seem to always be on the go … non-stop 24/7 … behind the wheel of a car …  at night.  For some reason this doesn’t strike you as a calming visual does it?  Me neither.  I love to travel and to drive, and in recent days, driving seems to be less hassle than flying, but it has it’s burdens too.  When I was a little kid I used to sit in the back seat of the car following along with the road map, watching the road signs and playing navigator. I have been managing airport terminals for over 30+ years. When I was 10 years old I was ‘mature’ enough to travel airports alone with my sister and friendly flight attendants would assist us in flying from Florida to Maryland/Pennsylvania. When I 14 I went out to Wyoming for a Girl Scout Wider Opportunity adventure for a few weeks to represent Florida. I had to travel by way of Colorado and I recall volunteering to stay overnight for the free plane ticket, but then not qualifying because I was a minor. My mother was so pissed that I had even considered it. I did not know what was the problem – I had just spent 2 weeks in the wilderness in Wyoming and she was reacting to a free hotel in downtown Denver? pfft. I had no fear back then.

But as we get older and more aware, and especially more fatigued, we may develop fear, anxiety of the unknown, and panic can build.  The following loop might play in your head while on the road:  “What if I am late for this meeting?, Did I take the wrong road again?, Am I prepared for this client?,  That jerk drives like a maniac!, Do I have enough gas?,  How in the heck do I cross 8 lanes of traffic without getting killed by those trucks?,  I missed my exit – now what?, Where is my hotel?, Will someone hurt me if I ask for help in this strange/new area?, Exit … Left?!? I thought all exits were on the right?  ”

Hopefully not all of that.  🙂 But I am sure some of it sounds familiar.

I have noticed that over the years I do not see as well at 6am or 9pm, which has caused some confusion on where exactly I was driving because I could not read the small road signs in the darkness.  After mapping out my routes, getting eye exams and changing the times of travel (if possible) this improved some.  Not 100% so you’ve been warned.

I have also noticed that the last 3 times I have gotten completely lost in a major city (Toronto, New Orleans, Dallas) had all the same conditions: 1) I arrived at the end of the day after working and traveling a total of 12-14 hours  so I was fatigued; 2) my co-pilot sucked and I should never rely 100% on another person or instrument to be my guide when I am that tired because it evolves into a bloody battle of  Anger. 2/3 of those trips I had people who could not read maps nor were willing and the last trip I had a GPS that was improperly programmed by one of those peeps so it sent me to the wrong place. I assume complete responsibility for driving the car and not expecting this to happen, driving when I was too tired, and although I had a road map for each place I was too exhausted to sort it out and so went for local help each time.

Many people will display Anger when what they are feeling is Fear or Anxiety, because they are angry at themselves and/or the situation for not being able to control it or sort out a solution. I even used the words  “I am not blaming you” when communicating to a relative over the phone what my predicament was when I called to ask for help and compare what I was seeing in person to the road map against Mapquest on her computer. I wanted her to know that I was frustrated and tired, but definitely not angry at her. This awareness and communication tip was helpful to finding a resolution.  We have been operating by behavior that has been mapped out our whole lives but that does not mean we have to keep following it if it doesn’t work for us. I have tried to keep this in mind at airports when my flight has been cancelled and we are in line getting reassigned. I have noticed that by allowing the steward to do their job in helping me, not verbally attacking them, and thanking them for the help, they are actually friendlier and calmer and I ALWAYS get my seat.

hhmm. That being said and admitting my directional & visual challenges, I think I should go back to flying. 😉  I can nap on a plane.

Safe journey, Betsey xo

Copyright 2011 Soul Nourishing

 

Photo by Betsey Garland

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Maps
19315 FM2252, Suite 302 Garden Ridge, Texas 78266
Phone Number : 210.218.2075